Glasgow Kebab

Dear readers. I will keep this short, for I have a bad taste in my mouth. I was in Glasgow on business last weekend, and as business demanded I was dragged out to explore the city’s nightlife. Needless to say, these adventures ended with a search for kebab. As I have mentioned before, kebabs in the UK are notoriously bad. There are few things quite so ball-squeezingly awful, if you’ll pardon my turn of phrase, as the sad, soggy offerings of British kebab vendors. Indeed it is hard to find the mot-juste to describe such an experience. I regret that I nonetheless purchased a kebab on that cold and rainy night, in full knowledge of the consequences. Towards 1am, a fellow reveller and I stumbled into the neon clutches of Café India and I ordered a Small Doner for the princely sum of £4.50.

A hunk of rotating meat viewed through the entrance to Café India

The establishment in which we found ourselves had taken measures to stamp their own personal touch onto the classic döner meal and had chosen to serve their sweaty, non-descript meat in Indian bread fresh from the oven. A few sad bits of salad were strewn over the rapidly-congealing mass and a rude squirt of garlic sauce was then farted onto it out of a big plastic dispenser. This was all packaged into a sticky polystyrene box and promptly handed over. I took it home, opened it, and it was disgusting. Perhaps the images speak for themselves. I leave you a disgruntled, bitter man and hope that this post will serve to help others learn from my mistakes.

Look at it. Just look at it.


Service: 3/5 (fine)

Atmosphere: 1/5 (grim)

Price: 1/5 (rip-off)

Taste: 1/5 (horrible)

photography courtesy of Mr. J. Henderson