Say what?? That’s right: Dr Döner is NOT DEAD. Dr Döner is alive and well, carving his way through fresh swathes of reconstituted meat in the endless search for kebab enlightenment. “Where has this search led him?” I hear you ask silently. And the answer is DISCO DÖNER. A popular hotspot for kebab-lovers in the Schönhauser Allee area, it was high time that I graced this jaunty meat-hut with a review. And so it was that two Fridays ago I staggered in off the street to partake of their wares.
Disco Döner is not actually the kebab shop’s real name, however. It is in fact called “KAPLAN” which, as we all know, is Turkish for ‘tiger’. WRITE THAT DOWN, DÖNER FANS. However, it is known popularly as Disco Döner because at all hours of the day and night it blasts out chart hits at full volume, giving its clientèle something to bop to while they chow down on kebabs. Anyway, the scene was thus: myself, a Finn and a Norwegian were on our way to the tram one Friday night only to see that our next ride wouldn’t arrive for another 30 minutes. Always one to turn a problem into an opportunity, I ushered us into the seedy lights of Disco Döner so that we would have something delicious to eat while we waited for the next Straßenbahn. I ordered a dürüm and we sat down to eat.
The dürüm was, I have to say, not the finest that I have ever had, but it did keep body and soul together. We munched and chatted to the friendly staff (whose names, I believe, were Ali and Ismet) and they enjoyed our company so much that they even gave us a free can of 7up. No word of a lie, Döner fans! While halfway through our kebabs however, we saw the tram streaking by and realised that we had missed our next ride to the party. Disappointed by this stroke of fate but satisfied with our meal, we decided to call it a night. And with that Dr Döner took his leave of Disco Döner and traipsed off into the back streets of Berlin, biding his time until the next meal. ALWAYS ALLOW ENOUGH TIME FOR YOUR JOURNEYS, DÖNER FANS! Until next time, thanks for reading!
Service: 5/5 (Ali and Ismet were very friendly and obliging)
Atmosphere: 2/5 (slightly grotty)
Price: 3/5 (standard, can’t complain)
Taste: 2/5 (nothing special)
To Recap: What Have We Learned?
“kaplan” [kap-lan] (tiger)
photography courtesy of Mr. V. Virtanen